As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
