Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize