Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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