No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Me too!
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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