You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize