if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
