Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
