I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
