Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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