it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
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