Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
