ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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