i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
