So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
