Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
