Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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