: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
