i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
