i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
