Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
