D3 body, D1 cock
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
