Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
