I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize