I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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