Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
