Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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