I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Randomize
