I'm lost and stupid without you.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
