Plan B is the new Plan A
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
