you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
