Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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