No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
