I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize