Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
