My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
