He kissed a someone with a penis
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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