Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
this is an emotional support booty call
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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