:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
