Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Soap is not a condiment
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
