So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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