Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
