i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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