Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I lost the right to judge tonight
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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