i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
