It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize