WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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