I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The uberlube is also flammable
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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