I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
