whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
