Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
