Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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