Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
