Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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