i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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