Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize