I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
