Plan B is the new Plan A
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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