I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
