proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize