she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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