A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize