Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
