Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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