are you so shy because you have an std?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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