I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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