well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
