I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Randomize
