dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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