You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
