I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The uberlube is also flammable
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
