When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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