I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I smell stomach acid.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize