first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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