you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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