Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
