beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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