...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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