its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
