dude i'm inner monologue high
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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