We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
