I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i think i just naturally attract stoners
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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