so let's talk penis.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
