happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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