Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
