In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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