you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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