my phone needs a breathalizer
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
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