your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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