Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
