My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
