allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
