dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Randomize
