Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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