I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
