i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
