how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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