AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Rumble strips road head = magical
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
