i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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