In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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