I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
How does one acquire holy water?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
