I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
