life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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