I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
