You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
